Funny original joke

Ed - My friend came up with this total cracker-upper all by himself. He wrote it to me on my Christmas card:
Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart. Apparently we fail to remember that too much McDonald's and Char Koay Teow may stop Christmas from happening if it be the case...

Of adrenaline and testosterone that fuel excessive agressive competitiveness

I'm competitive. Fiercely so. Boggle, Scrabble, floorball, football...any game, basically, will induce my adrenal and testosterone glands to release a flood of hormones into my system. Just a few hours ago, I was attempting to engage in a friendly, non-competitive game of badminton, albeit unsuccesfully. Before I realized it, I was setting up a competition to see how long we could keep the shuttlecock up for. Then I was smashing at innocent lobs like a crazed lunatic (thought most of them either went wide or fell flat on their faces. Literally. ;p) Then I caught myself. For goodness sake la, Joel...it's just a game! A passing comment by a friend jolted me to my senses. There he goes again...Joel is like that one. OUCH. Hehe...
It's like I go on autopilot whenever I engage in any sport or recreation. I naturally slip into "compete" mode and feel unfulfilled if there is no kind of incentive or goal to work toward. Is it a guy thing? Male machismo, primal instinct? I wonder. You tell me.

Excerpt from my journal

Ed - This is an excerpt from my journal, dated 28th of December 2004. Thought I'd share it cause I hope it might help some of you out there who are going through the same thing. Names have been removed in the interest of anonymity.
It's been a rather enjoyable and fruitful day, if I may say so myself. Managed to keep to more than half of my planned schedule (hear, hear!! :p) and finally nailed a tricky stick flick (floorball). I should be up in the clouds, actually, with such a fab day behind me.
I'm in emotional turmoil now, though. It's actually really sickening because I go through this so often. Yes, you guessed it: I'm feeling left out, rejected..."I WANNA GO JOIN THEM!" AGAIN. Sounds sickeningly familiar, huh.
Lowdown is that a few of the guys and gals from my church youth group are chilling at my buddy’s place now; a farewell of sorts for one of them who is returning home to Johor tomorrow at noon. Thing is, most of my close friends are there, and I wasn’t even called or invited to join them. Sigh. Déjà vu right smack in my face. (Ed – A “cheerer-upper” for me was that the reason why my buddy didn’t bother to invite me is that she was well acquainted with my peculiar aversion to spontaneous get-togethers. Shows she does know me well. )
You know the old saying, “You’ve made your bed, now you’ve got to lie in it”? Well, I guess I’m now tossing and turning in the extremely uncomfortable bed I’ve made for myself. I mean, if I will go on rejecting social invitations and giving an indelible impression of, dare I say it, contempt for youth pop culture, then I guess it is only reasonable to expect that at some point, people might just stop inviting me altogether. Not much use going to all that trouble and wasting precious oxygen, saliva and time if they know that no’s the most probable answer. Right? Can’t say it isn’t reasonable. Can’t say it’s easy to swallow, either. Sigh. There’s my depraved, twin-headed dragon of a heart for you: always competing for affection and gratification and never satisfied. Can’t ever seem to please either of them. Oh well. Guess that’s the trouble with being a sanguine-melancholic-choleric-phlegmatic mosaic. :p
You know, it really bites dwelling on these melancholy soulish thoughts and grumblings. I tend to get all choked up and uptight whenever I lay in this confounded bed I keep making for myself. Can’t seem to get myself to make it any other way. Pride, yearning for affection, for company and fellowship, a desire to be “above” certain things, people or activities…all signs pointing the way to the nearest neighborhood Pity Party. Gotta split before depression gets a hand in. I can almost see that sneaky sprite of a demon lurking round the corner in my mind, whetting his cruel little dagger, preparing to pounce and take me down when I’m off my guard.
Oh yes, I see you, you vile fiend of hell. Your name is twain: Self-Pity and Hypocrisy. Get thee gone! This mind is the dominion of the living Christ. You have no legal right to be on these grounds.
Yes! Light breaks out and warms my fallen countenance. My sword! Rhema, the word of the Lord for the moment! “Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you!!”
Thou sniveling, sickly phantom of depression. Begone, foul dwimmerlaik of Beelzebub! Seest thou this fiery brand? Rhema is its name. Get thee gone, lest I smite and cleave thy wretched brow in twain. “For He cares for me…He cares for me!”
I watch in satisfaction as the sorry creature starts and turns on its heels, fleeing with all its might from me, a Son of the Most High God wielding a fiery Rhema.
What a relief that’s done with. Hate the way these confounded hell-hounds keep managing to slip past my defenses and nip at my exposed flanks. Reckon they must have got through all those gaping holes in the wall the light just revealed. He that has no rule over his spirit is like city that is broken down, and without walls – Proverbs 25:28. Hmm. Better go repair those gaps with some solid brick and mortar from I Samuel. Out.

The kite-man

It is the 26th of December, 2004, a dark day in the history of the Penang. This day marks the only incident in recent memory where a major natural disaster, namely a tsunami, has hit this island. At approximately 8:59 a.m., a massive earthquake off the tip of nothern Sumatra triggered waves of tsunami that swept out from the epicenter of the quake, hitting the West Coast states of Peninsular Malaysia, Sri Lanka, Madras, and the Maldives Islands, wreaking havoc on their unprepared shores. These tsunami have thus far claimed 38 lives on the island of Penang.
I am with my parents, driving along the Gurney Drive coastal road, hoping to satiate our grotesque curiosity, yielding to our lower desire for carnal enjoyment derived from viewing the suffering of others, knowing that we are safe, that we do not share their misfortune.
We are inching along the road, like countless other motorists, slowly taking in the devastation wrought by the merciless tsunami. I see a lone figure of calm amid the endlessly roving crowds that stream past. He is a middle-aged Chinese man of ruddy complexion. His kindly, weather-beaten face is framed by an untidy mop of curls. He is walking slowly back and forth, wordlessly waving what appears to be three tiny kites attached to his hand by 3 equally short strings. As I continue to observe him, I realize that he is no mere out-of-place hobbyist. This man is a kite salesman.
I salute this brazen entrepeneur. He embodies the masculine ideals of determination (in spite of the destruction, he refuses to let down peddling his little kites), boldness (he evidently couldn't care less what people thought of him, a strange little man selling kites in the aftermath of a tsunami), and pragmatic calmness (he knows ambling about viewing the damage and going ga-ga and oh-my! over the whole matter, like I am doing, won't do him any good, whereas continuing to sell his little kites, especially with so many potential customers around definitely makes good business sense)
He sits carelessly on the edge of ruin, seemingly oblivious to the confusion around him, his face fixed in a serene smile as he silently waves his kites in the air, wordlessly inviting all around him to buy, buy, buy one of his pretty kites.
I am strangely comforted by his dogged loyalty to his customers, whoever they may be. I know that with faithful men like him around, life will go on as usual come what may, tsunami, floods or quakes.
I watch as he continues to saunter up and down the walkway.
Presently, he stops and sits next to a table laid out with an assortment of kites, presumably more of his stock. He leans back, one leg casually resting on the edge of the wall, still smiling as he continues to silently wave his little kites, still wordlessly inviting all around him to buy, buy one of his pretty little kites.
Yes, with men like him, I know life will go on, come what may.

He's coming back soon - are you ready?

He's coming back soon. I'm sure of it. Not long now before the Son of Man returns in the glory of the Father with His angels to judge all men according to their deeds. Not long now before the world is thrown into turmoil, and a Man rises from the ashes and unites the world, ushering in a period of unprecedented peace and prosperity, laying the groundwork for the rest of the pieces of the puzzle to fall into place. Yes, the prophetic clock is ticking.
2000 years ago, the Son of God, one part of the Triune Eternal God, came to earth in the form of a helpless babe and laid down His life for the salvation of mankind. He came as the suffering servant.
Soon, He will return, no longer as the suffering servant, no longer as the sacrificial lamb. Soon, He will return with a sword of judgment, revealed in His Majesty to judge the sons of men.
Why am I saying this? No, I am not an Apocalyptic doom-proclaiming prophet. I am not a crazed fanatic declaring the end of the world.
I am merely a Christian, a believer in Jesus Christ, a son and servant of the Most High God. I am merely obeying our Master's commands to watch the signs of the ages.
Malaysia and countless other nations are slowly trading conventional identification for all-in-one chip-based systems that integrate credit cards, passports, identification, etc. into one device. Scientists are researching possible ways to improve this system, to safeguard it against theft/fraud, to streamline it, etc. One of their suggestions is that this device be somehow inserted into the human body and be tailored to and powered by the body, thus automatically eliminating the possibility of theft. So far, researchers have concluded that the forehead and right hand are some of the ideal places to implant the chip-based device.
If you are familiar with the signs of the end times as spelled out in the books of Daniel and Revelation, the information I have just relayed to you will certainly ring warning bells, though I suspect you would have heard about it before.
The book of Revelation speaks of a definite period where the nations of the world will combine to form a one-world government, headed by a charismatic man the Bible names "the Beast". I will not go into detail here, but in summary, there will come a time where cash will be done away with, and all people will be required to carry a mark, either in their forehead or right hand. Those who fail to do so will find themselves with no means to purchase food and other essentials. This mark, the Bible tells us in Revelation 13:16-18, is the mark of the Beast, who is the emissary of none other than the Devil himself, sent to deceive mankind.
Also, the Lord Jesus told us that His 2nd coming would be preceded by a period of catastrophic natural disasters, including earthquakes, tsunamis, etc. among other signs.
That is exactly what happened today. Acheh was struck by an 8.5 Richter earthquake that caused multiple disasters around the region, including 20-foot tidal waves that wreaked havoc on the tiny island where I live. That island is Penang, and it has enjoyed, for most of its history, near complete freedom from major natural disasters. Today, that changed as the massive waves battered the shores of the island, killing and maiming fishermen, trippers and holiday-makers. At the time of this post, the approximate death toll had reached 11, and many more are still missing. Places like Phuket, Thailand, and Sri Lanka suffered much more casualties than us, with 80 and 500 dead respectively.
What really hit home was the fact that a sheltered, disaster free place like good old Penang could succumb to such a calamity. Penangites just don't even think that such things are possible right here. Boy, were we wrong.
Just the other day, I was talking to a good friend of mine, and we were talking about how when death strikes, especially close to home, it really makes us sit up and think: what am I doing with my life now? What's really important in life? It could happen to me too. Where am I going after I die?
As a Christian, I know without a shadow of doubt that death will only send me on a one-way trip to eternal bliss in Heaven. I know that I have trusted Jesus Christ for my salvation from eternal judgment in Hell. Therefore, Death for me holds no fear. The question I am now induced to ask myself in view of today's happenings is: Jesus is coming back soon. The signs tell me that. Am I ready for His return?
Honestly? No. No way. If Christ were to return now and judge my deeds, as it says in the Bible, through the test of the fire, I reckon I'd be left with little more than a handful of ashes. Seriously. What am I doing with my life now? And more importantly, for what reason? What is my motivation for my actions? Will I make it into heaven by the skin of my teeth, as an unfruitful tree that failed the Master Gardener? I wonder.
Yes, the prophetic clock is ticking. He's coming back soon. Are you ready?

It is more blessed to give than to receive

You know what? I've never, ever in my life, gone Christmas shopping. No sir, not even once. But this year, I'd vowed it would be different. I purposed in my heart to at least make a Christmas list. I did the closest thing a Christian could get to swearing to actually follow that Christmas list: I wrote down that resolution and sealed it with a prayer. After all, the theme for my church this year (Ed - there you go again...what do you mean your church? ;p ) is "A Year of New Beginnings".
The "old" Joel never gave gifts to people even though he received tons of gifts during Christmas. The "old", lazy boned Joel never though it worthwhile to even attempt at getting something for anyone. No sir, it was just too much work to lift his ancient, moldy frame off the couch to move into action, too much work to shift the gray cells in his brain to think of what could brighten up someone's day.
But this year was different. Light had penetrated his crusty shell. Something, or was it Someone, had changed something in him. His blood began to course through his veins with renewed vigour as he bustled about, Christmas fast approaching, growing more and more enthusiastic by the second as he whipped his mind into action thinking of what to get him, her, this, that person...
Let me tell you, the saying "It is more blessed to give than to receive" really is true! I know it may be cliched and worn, but I can't deny the thrill I get when I'm preparing gifts to give to people. (Ed - I was kind of on a tight budget, so I figured the most economical and meaningful gift would be a handmade bookmark with my favorite verse on it and a personal message to the recipient. At the time of this post, I wasn't done yet with all my handmade gifts)
I've already given out a few gifts, and I must say that, if anything, gift giving, with a sincere heart does do wonders if you struggle with hard heartedness, etc. To see a person's face light up when you give him or her a gift, especially coming from stingy old Joel, really literally swallows you with good old mushy-feely goodwill. ;p
Aside, I must say that I'm really glad that I chose to handmake my gifts. I think it really adds to the gift, that personal touch. Personally, I prefer handmade, personalized "cheap" gifts to expensive, impersonal gifts. I really do. I'm feeling all romantic and emotional and "good-willy" now, so sue me.
A tip to any readers: try it! Give someone a handmade gift, lovingly crafted, and watch for his/her reaction. Then savour the moment, and enjoy that tingle of pleasure shoot up and down your spine as you thank God that you chose to give that person a sincere, handmade gift, instead of that expensive Adax pour Homme dress shirt/Dior fragrance he/she asked for.
Blessed Christmas, everyone.

That night some shepherds were in the fields outside the village, guarding their flocks of sheep. Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord’s glory surrounded them. They were terribly frightened, but the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you good news of great joy for everyone! The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born tonight in Bethlehem, the city of David! And this is how you will recognize him: You will find a baby lying in a manger, wrapped snugly in strips of cloth!”
Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others—the armies of heaven—praising God:
“Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and peace on earth to all whom God favors. "
Luke 2:8-14

Pride takes a hard knock

I sat there, seemingly alone in a teeming mass of people, talking, eating, laughing. I sat there, watching as they enjoyed each others' company, as they moved about the room, so at home, so in sync with all that was going on, so "there". I sat there, wondering just why it was that I couldn't engage, couldn't click, couldn't...what was wrong?
I felt so out of place, so uninvolved. Man, it was frustrating!
What was it that held me back from participating?
O hypocrite! Pride has once again reared its ugly head! (Ed - Refer to previous article - "SAVE ME!!" ) Whispering...insidious mutterings...Oh, look at that! There they go again, the juveniles...you're not going to join in, are you? How can they still do that? Doesn't it get old after a while?
AWAY! Away from me, you foul fiend of hell!! I quickly mauled a mental personification of that spirit of pride as I slowly and deliberately stood up. Slowly and deliberately turned. Slowly and deliberately walked over to where a group of them were fawning over two terrified hamsters. I picked up the hamster. "What's its name?"
YES! Score one for humility!

The problem with Pride and Hypocrisy

Have you ever felt like you had two people inside you pulling your emotional strings? Have you ever felt like doing something but also felt like not doing it? I get it all the time. It's really super annoying. Have you ever felt like you wanted to kill a part of yourself that you really really hated but just couldn't get rid of? I've felt like that so often.
Just today, there was a Christmas Celebration event organized by one of the college Christian Fellowships in Penang. A church youth group was invited to minister at the Celebration. It so happened that that youth group in turn invited one of the youths at my church to put together a dance team and join them under the banner of my church. (Ed. - What do you mean your church?)
Now, I don't know why, but apparently the dance team got assembled without the knowledge of the youth directors at my church, so, technically, their ministry trip was not sanctioned by the church. This placed the dancers in an extremely akward position, and they were instructed not to identify themselves as a ministry team from my church.
The dance team nevertheless decided to go ahead with the trip as this complication had arisen too close to the day of the actual event, thus eliminating the possibility of declining the invitation.
Now, you see, the problem is that, I feel that because of their "non-sanctioned" position, I was inclined to not have anything to do with them. I know that really stinks, but to be brutally honest, I think that was what I felt about it. I avoided talking about it, and I decided in my heart that I would not go for the Celebration to support them, even if they asked me to. (Ed. - Which they didn't. ;p) Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm really really mad at myself for allowing myself to entertain and nurture those horrible thoughts.
I think it has everything to do with my pride, those thoughts I was thinking. I felt that they were "inferior", and that my good name would be smeared if I associated with them. What a load of rot!
And to put it out in the open, deep inside, I really wanted to go too. I wanted to enjoy their company, to feel the thrill of serving in a team. But I never allowed those hidden desires to surface; I never allowed myself to even so much as think about those desires. There was no way that I, the high-and-mighty Joel would be involved in that sort of "unsanctioned" activity. Uggh. I wish I could kill that smirking, self-glorifying, overweening part of me. Murder it and chop it into tiny little pieces to burn in my oven and feed to the dogs.
I guess that this prideful part of my thinking has led me to living such a hypocritical life. I tell people that I have no time for a movie, and I waste that time at home slogging hours into a computer game. I tell people that I have no money for a meal at the local mamak stall, and I waste RM3 on a lousy Magnum ice cream. I tell people that I have better things to do, and I don't do them. I hate that. I really do.
In actuality, I really do want to redeem my time. I really do want to be a wise steward of my money. I really, really do. But all too often I fall short of these noble desires. I think it has to do with my mindset. I mean, how often do I think of spiritual things? My mind is constantly filled with trifles and passing thoughts, childish fantasies and the like. Again, I hate that. I really do. But, like I mentioned in my earlier entry today, I just don't bring myself around to remedying it. I'm just too bone lazy to move my sorry self into action.
But no more! Tomorrow is a new day! It's really refreshing that each day you are given a clean slate to fill in. I'm encouraged that God's grace and mercies are new every morning. I truly believe that if I truly commit myself, with all of my heart, to right these wrongs in my life, I will be given strength from Above to do so. I believe. I really do. Perhaps tomorrow will be the start of something new, something fresh; a turnaround of sorts.
O God, fill my heart with an overwhelming desire to model myself after you. And give me the grace and strength to do so, for I cannot find these within myself. You know my heart's desire O Lord. You know exactly that for which I strive, for which I ache with all of my being: for You to say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done." For You, for Your glory, for Your name's sake, and in Your name I pray. Amen.

SAVE ME!!

I think it really bites how my contact lens keeps folding itself inside out. It's like it's got a mind of its own, and thrives on seeing just how close I can get to fitting it on my eyeball before it evilly caves in onto my hapless finger. Most people tell me that the main problem they face is getting themselves to actually place that contact lens onto their eyeball. Most are just plain freaked out of their pants at touching the apple of their eye. But not me. I've got no qualms touching my eyeballs. It's just that my lens flatly refuse to cooperate. Yeah, right.
I think it really bites how I almost instantaneously play the "blame game" whenever things go wrong. It's like I've got a mind of my own, the way I quickly pin the blame on something or someone whenever I fail. I guess it's part of our fallen nature as Sons and Daughters of Adam. It's like, hereditary. Part of our "heritage". I mean, look at Eve. Her first instinct when confronted by the Big Guy about the apple was to point her slender, apple-stained finger at poor Adam. And poor Adam didn't delay in pushing the blame to the wily Serpent. It's depressing that the same scene is being played out countless times in my own life every day.
God: Did you or did you not look at that lewdly dressed lady to lust after her?
Me: I did NOT! It was just a glance. Okay, so it wasn't a short glance, but isn't it true that only second looks count as lustful ones? Anyway, it's not like it's my fault she chose to dress like that, and my fault that she just walked in front of me. Besides, Mark was the one that told me to look. I'm sure I wouldn't have looked on my own accord.
Etcetra, etcetra. Sometimes it's just so hard to admit that I'm wrong, and admit what I did wrong. Another thing that bites is how my mind kicks into action rationalizing away my wrongs every time my conscience tells me I've sinned.
And especially annoying is my newly developed "ability" to "shrug off failure". It's also known as nonchalance, indifference, carelessness, etc. I've learned over the years the bad habit of minimizing the consequences of my actions. This has naturally led to an irresponsible and bone-lazy disposition that is hard to break out of.
Too many times, the words "It's too much work", or something to that effect, escape my lips whenever I'm asked to move my lazy behind. It's been said that "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh". I've come to realize that it's way more important to take note of what we unconsciously say than what we consciously say, because it indicates what's inside of us. "It's too much work" tells people that I'm committed to a well established habit of work-shirking and procrastination/dilation of duties, even though I might not say it consciously.
It's this infernal "ability" of mine that's stopping me from righting all these wrongs in my life: my inborn propensity for the "blame game", my astonishing capacity for rationalization, my irresponsibility. It is the reason why my growth is so excruciatingly slow. It is the reason why I never quite get to it, thinking that it's not really that urgent. It is the reason...
BLAAAH! There I go again, playing the blame game!
"O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord."
-Paul of Tarsus, Romans 7:24-25-

Arr, enough with the pretense and high-horsing already!

I'm sick of pretending to be who I'm not! For so long I've been trying to put up a facade, a false appearance of unmatched aptitude in English. Using such bombastic crackers as effulgence, miniscule, expedient, exacerbated, etc. etc... thinking that it shows my "mastery" of English, when simpler words like radiance, small, useful, worsened, etc. would do just fine.
It's been like a vice stifling my creativity, this horrible pride of mine. My unwillingness to "go with the flow", to be "ordinary"...it's just plain revolting.
Now, don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm giving up on trying to write well. It's just that I've given up being intentionally blurry to give an illusion of greatness. Sigh...
With that aside, I must say that it's pretty tough going writing with almost no one listening. I know of only a few of my friends and family who have obligingly visited this blog (Thanks, guys!!), but my comments box is still empty. It kind of defeats the purpose of my setting up this blog: to receive feedback on my writing. I want to know what others think about my ability to write. It's important to me because writing is the skill that I would like to use to earn my bread.
But I guess it might be because my blog is still new. Oh well, time will tell.