The problem with Pride and Hypocrisy
Have you ever felt like you had two people inside you pulling your emotional strings? Have you ever felt like doing something but also felt like not doing it? I get it all the time. It's really super annoying. Have you ever felt like you wanted to kill a part of yourself that you really really hated but just couldn't get rid of? I've felt like that so often.
Just today, there was a Christmas Celebration event organized by one of the college Christian Fellowships in Penang. A church youth group was invited to minister at the Celebration. It so happened that that youth group in turn invited one of the youths at my church to put together a dance team and join them under the banner of my church. (Ed. - What do you mean your church?)
Now, I don't know why, but apparently the dance team got assembled without the knowledge of the youth directors at my church, so, technically, their ministry trip was not sanctioned by the church. This placed the dancers in an extremely akward position, and they were instructed not to identify themselves as a ministry team from my church.
The dance team nevertheless decided to go ahead with the trip as this complication had arisen too close to the day of the actual event, thus eliminating the possibility of declining the invitation.
Now, you see, the problem is that, I feel that because of their "non-sanctioned" position, I was inclined to not have anything to do with them. I know that really stinks, but to be brutally honest, I think that was what I felt about it. I avoided talking about it, and I decided in my heart that I would not go for the Celebration to support them, even if they asked me to. (Ed. - Which they didn't. ;p) Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm really really mad at myself for allowing myself to entertain and nurture those horrible thoughts.
I think it has everything to do with my pride, those thoughts I was thinking. I felt that they were "inferior", and that my good name would be smeared if I associated with them. What a load of rot!
And to put it out in the open, deep inside, I really wanted to go too. I wanted to enjoy their company, to feel the thrill of serving in a team. But I never allowed those hidden desires to surface; I never allowed myself to even so much as think about those desires. There was no way that I, the high-and-mighty Joel would be involved in that sort of "unsanctioned" activity. Uggh. I wish I could kill that smirking, self-glorifying, overweening part of me. Murder it and chop it into tiny little pieces to burn in my oven and feed to the dogs.
I guess that this prideful part of my thinking has led me to living such a hypocritical life. I tell people that I have no time for a movie, and I waste that time at home slogging hours into a computer game. I tell people that I have no money for a meal at the local mamak stall, and I waste RM3 on a lousy Magnum ice cream. I tell people that I have better things to do, and I don't do them. I hate that. I really do.
In actuality, I really do want to redeem my time. I really do want to be a wise steward of my money. I really, really do. But all too often I fall short of these noble desires. I think it has to do with my mindset. I mean, how often do I think of spiritual things? My mind is constantly filled with trifles and passing thoughts, childish fantasies and the like. Again, I hate that. I really do. But, like I mentioned in my earlier entry today, I just don't bring myself around to remedying it. I'm just too bone lazy to move my sorry self into action.
But no more! Tomorrow is a new day! It's really refreshing that each day you are given a clean slate to fill in. I'm encouraged that God's grace and mercies are new every morning. I truly believe that if I truly commit myself, with all of my heart, to right these wrongs in my life, I will be given strength from Above to do so. I believe. I really do. Perhaps tomorrow will be the start of something new, something fresh; a turnaround of sorts.
O God, fill my heart with an overwhelming desire to model myself after you. And give me the grace and strength to do so, for I cannot find these within myself. You know my heart's desire O Lord. You know exactly that for which I strive, for which I ache with all of my being: for You to say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done." For You, for Your glory, for Your name's sake, and in Your name I pray. Amen.
Just today, there was a Christmas Celebration event organized by one of the college Christian Fellowships in Penang. A church youth group was invited to minister at the Celebration. It so happened that that youth group in turn invited one of the youths at my church to put together a dance team and join them under the banner of my church. (Ed. - What do you mean your church?)
Now, I don't know why, but apparently the dance team got assembled without the knowledge of the youth directors at my church, so, technically, their ministry trip was not sanctioned by the church. This placed the dancers in an extremely akward position, and they were instructed not to identify themselves as a ministry team from my church.
The dance team nevertheless decided to go ahead with the trip as this complication had arisen too close to the day of the actual event, thus eliminating the possibility of declining the invitation.
Now, you see, the problem is that, I feel that because of their "non-sanctioned" position, I was inclined to not have anything to do with them. I know that really stinks, but to be brutally honest, I think that was what I felt about it. I avoided talking about it, and I decided in my heart that I would not go for the Celebration to support them, even if they asked me to. (Ed. - Which they didn't. ;p) Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm really really mad at myself for allowing myself to entertain and nurture those horrible thoughts.
I think it has everything to do with my pride, those thoughts I was thinking. I felt that they were "inferior", and that my good name would be smeared if I associated with them. What a load of rot!
And to put it out in the open, deep inside, I really wanted to go too. I wanted to enjoy their company, to feel the thrill of serving in a team. But I never allowed those hidden desires to surface; I never allowed myself to even so much as think about those desires. There was no way that I, the high-and-mighty Joel would be involved in that sort of "unsanctioned" activity. Uggh. I wish I could kill that smirking, self-glorifying, overweening part of me. Murder it and chop it into tiny little pieces to burn in my oven and feed to the dogs.
I guess that this prideful part of my thinking has led me to living such a hypocritical life. I tell people that I have no time for a movie, and I waste that time at home slogging hours into a computer game. I tell people that I have no money for a meal at the local mamak stall, and I waste RM3 on a lousy Magnum ice cream. I tell people that I have better things to do, and I don't do them. I hate that. I really do.
In actuality, I really do want to redeem my time. I really do want to be a wise steward of my money. I really, really do. But all too often I fall short of these noble desires. I think it has to do with my mindset. I mean, how often do I think of spiritual things? My mind is constantly filled with trifles and passing thoughts, childish fantasies and the like. Again, I hate that. I really do. But, like I mentioned in my earlier entry today, I just don't bring myself around to remedying it. I'm just too bone lazy to move my sorry self into action.
But no more! Tomorrow is a new day! It's really refreshing that each day you are given a clean slate to fill in. I'm encouraged that God's grace and mercies are new every morning. I truly believe that if I truly commit myself, with all of my heart, to right these wrongs in my life, I will be given strength from Above to do so. I believe. I really do. Perhaps tomorrow will be the start of something new, something fresh; a turnaround of sorts.
O God, fill my heart with an overwhelming desire to model myself after you. And give me the grace and strength to do so, for I cannot find these within myself. You know my heart's desire O Lord. You know exactly that for which I strive, for which I ache with all of my being: for You to say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done." For You, for Your glory, for Your name's sake, and in Your name I pray. Amen.
posted by Joel Chan at
8:58 AM
1 Comments:
Well..what can I say? I was asked by the author to post a comment on his blog and I suppose if I had any comments to make, it would be on this particular topic. Anyway, I do consider it a privelege to be able to post something here as he was and has become a good friend of mine. Does that make any sense? Anyway, what I have to say would not be as eloquent as the author's as I have not his flair and fluency in the ability to write well and any ability and creativity I had to do so has been lost in the years through boring factual and essay writing in school and college, as he very well knows.
Okay, back to the topic at hand, before I ramble off on something totally unrelated. I must say that I cannot agree more with the author (By the way, I think I shall stop referring to the author as "the author" and start addressing him by his name. It seems rather strange to be doing so when he is a friend of mine and not some random person whose work I picked off a shelf.) Here goes..what Joel has said I'm sure is not alien to most of us, especially those who have been Christians long enough. I hope I'm interpreting this correctly, but if I'm not, then you will just have to listen to my opinion on a totally different subject.
We want to do good, and at the same time, we are afraid of being labelled as hypocrites if we do not live up to what people think we believe. But what I think that Joel is referring to is another form of hypocrisy which is the feeling that we are "too good" for everyone else i.e. we believe or we make ourselves believe in something which we actually do not want to believe. This is where we pride ourselves on being different and not associating with the masses of people, alienating ourselves from things which we think are not worthy of our partcipation.
At the same time, all pride is not a bad thing and Joel, you don't have to beat yourself up about having pride, not all the time anyway. God-fearing pride is a noble thing to have, as it sets for us certain standards by which we are to live and to refrain from doing things our way, which so often is the wrong way. Having a certain amount of pride in us prevents us from getting ourselves into trouble.
But it is not always easy to set certain standards for ourselves and ensure that we live by those standards. This is where people will label us as hypocrites, Christians who say one thing and do another. It always saddens me when a non-believer belittles a Christian for being a hypocrite. This I believe is the main stumbler to people accepting Jesus. Too often they have been hurt by Christians who have double standards. Or as in the second type of hypocrisy, people segregate themselves from us, thinking that we will not participate with them in things which we consider as carnal and worldly. Here, again we lose the opportunity for evangelism as we will never know how the rest of the world lives outside the four walls of our cosy church building. A balance must be struck, but it is not always the case where we can easily distinguish between the black, white and grey areas.
I believe the only solution to this is as Joel says, to know that God's mercies are new every morning and only He can give us the grace and wisdom to live as we should, to become more like Christ each day. The phrase "What Would Jesus Do" should not be merely as a catchy saying to be worn around our wrists or hung around our necks but rather as a reminder of our words and actions day by day as we walk among the throngs of people, to be the light in this world clouded with darkness.
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Angeline , at 9:48 AM
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