The journey - continued.
"I'll bring you more than a song, for a song in itself is not what you have required. You search much deeper within through the way things appear; you're looking into my heart." (Matt Redman – “The Heart of Worship”)
I feel at the moment very naked. I have been stripped, to the core of my being, stripped by the testings that I have gone through this past semester, testings that have left me not unscathed. It is quite disheartening to be faced with a very real "me" that is thoroughly in opposition to my fanciful preconceptions, shaped in part by my own ignorant pride, and the way in which that pride inflated sincere compliments and praise to create a brazen statue of my "character".
I have found myself.
With the inhibitions and God-given boundaries of my parents thrown off (as a function of distance), and with the full responsibility for quite nearly every daily decision placed squarely in its stead...I have reeled with the weight of that responsibility, and buckled not a few times.
No more do I hear loving voices urging me to sleep, to wake up, to study instead of "socialize", to eat this or that or the other...or not. The responsibility is mine. And has been mine for the last 4 months, and counting...
The temperature of that test of responsibility alone is high enough to melt silver. It has been said that men are like sponges; you have to squeeze them to find out what's inside them. That squeezing revealed a young man sorely lacking in self-discipline, woefully inadequate at keeping schedules, reining in his eating habits, keeping tabs on his sleep cycle...exhibiting himself as a spectacular failure, more so with each succeeding instance, though interspersed with rare flashes of resolve and remedy...
Thus, I have found myself - exposed in my dire need for self-control. I need to plug into the Source of discipline. My spirit yearns for that self-control, but my body cannot find the means to attain it.
"Stand up! What are you doing down on your face?"
(Jehovah, speaking to Joshua after the spectacular defeat of Israel at Ai)
By the grace of God, the riches of strength and resolve and supernatural empowering to do good that lie with the spoil of the Messiah's great Victory over Sin and Death, I SHALL stand up!
My faith. Serious challenges, I considered them in the fighting. Now, in retrospect, those challenges have shrunk considerably, in light of my continual daily decision to believe, to cling to Him who sits on the throne, and unto the Lamb, and to His Spirit. Oppositions to His sovereignty, character, veracity, all raised in passionate declarations of the triumph of humanity over the shackles of "tradition" and "religion" and primitive notions of God...all fall at the feet of the Risen Savior.
"We men (humans) fancifully consider our intellects to be the equal of God. We dismiss what our feeble minds are unable to grasp as "irrational", "illogical", "myth", "fantasy...
The audacity!
"Shall the clay say to the Potter, what are you doing?"
The Enemy deceives us and attempts to coerce us into his rebellion against the sovereign Lord. Our sin nature is attracted to this, to the lure of power, wisdom...true life? Deception...it biteth at the last.
I stand FIRM. My heart is steadfast O God; my heart is steadfast. I stand upon your Word, trust you, and raise up the shield of faith against the lies of the Enemy. In God I put my trust; I shall not be moved. He is my Rock and Refuge; I shall not be moved." (Revelation that came to the Writer while desperately crying out to his God)
I have come to realize that the doubts that have been raised, the challenges...they all exposed the inadequacy of the response: "so I was taught". The violent winds of humanism and its lies exposed the shallowness of my roots - rooted not so much in the solid bedrock soil of the Word, but in the teachings of men. I care not to discount the great value of those teachings, but I have come to realize that the best defense against the lies of the Enemy is not "so I was taught" but a bold "it is WRITTEN". Search the Scriptures. A time of fortification and rooting in the Word is called for now, in preparation for future battles that lie ahead on this long journey…
Furthermore, I have come to realize that doubts may have a very positive effect on faith, oxymoronic though it may sound. For if no doubts are present, what then is faith? ‘Tis not faith; ‘tis knowledge.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)
The Word’s definition of faith presumes the existence of at least some measure of doubt: “...what we do not see”. I have learned that in those instances where I do not see, faith is most needed, and faith most exercised. May I continue to choose to believe in the face of doubt, and so exercise my faith, while searching and hoping for vindication for the Almighty against the accusations of His enemies, intellectual or otherwise.
Thus, I have found myself – shallow at the roots, in explanation of my shivering and violent struggling against the lies that I have encountered. I have not been rooted deeply and firmly enough in the Source to stalwartly weather the unrelenting attacks of the Enemy as I strive to grow and bear fruit for the Gardener. My goal, then, becomes this:
"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." (Psalm 1:1-3)
I feel at the moment very naked. I have been stripped, to the core of my being, stripped by the testings that I have gone through this past semester, testings that have left me not unscathed. It is quite disheartening to be faced with a very real "me" that is thoroughly in opposition to my fanciful preconceptions, shaped in part by my own ignorant pride, and the way in which that pride inflated sincere compliments and praise to create a brazen statue of my "character".
I have found myself.
With the inhibitions and God-given boundaries of my parents thrown off (as a function of distance), and with the full responsibility for quite nearly every daily decision placed squarely in its stead...I have reeled with the weight of that responsibility, and buckled not a few times.
No more do I hear loving voices urging me to sleep, to wake up, to study instead of "socialize", to eat this or that or the other...or not. The responsibility is mine. And has been mine for the last 4 months, and counting...
The temperature of that test of responsibility alone is high enough to melt silver. It has been said that men are like sponges; you have to squeeze them to find out what's inside them. That squeezing revealed a young man sorely lacking in self-discipline, woefully inadequate at keeping schedules, reining in his eating habits, keeping tabs on his sleep cycle...exhibiting himself as a spectacular failure, more so with each succeeding instance, though interspersed with rare flashes of resolve and remedy...
Thus, I have found myself - exposed in my dire need for self-control. I need to plug into the Source of discipline. My spirit yearns for that self-control, but my body cannot find the means to attain it.
"Stand up! What are you doing down on your face?"
(Jehovah, speaking to Joshua after the spectacular defeat of Israel at Ai)
By the grace of God, the riches of strength and resolve and supernatural empowering to do good that lie with the spoil of the Messiah's great Victory over Sin and Death, I SHALL stand up!
My faith. Serious challenges, I considered them in the fighting. Now, in retrospect, those challenges have shrunk considerably, in light of my continual daily decision to believe, to cling to Him who sits on the throne, and unto the Lamb, and to His Spirit. Oppositions to His sovereignty, character, veracity, all raised in passionate declarations of the triumph of humanity over the shackles of "tradition" and "religion" and primitive notions of God...all fall at the feet of the Risen Savior.
"We men (humans) fancifully consider our intellects to be the equal of God. We dismiss what our feeble minds are unable to grasp as "irrational", "illogical", "myth", "fantasy...
The audacity!
"Shall the clay say to the Potter, what are you doing?"
The Enemy deceives us and attempts to coerce us into his rebellion against the sovereign Lord. Our sin nature is attracted to this, to the lure of power, wisdom...true life? Deception...it biteth at the last.
I stand FIRM. My heart is steadfast O God; my heart is steadfast. I stand upon your Word, trust you, and raise up the shield of faith against the lies of the Enemy. In God I put my trust; I shall not be moved. He is my Rock and Refuge; I shall not be moved." (Revelation that came to the Writer while desperately crying out to his God)
I have come to realize that the doubts that have been raised, the challenges...they all exposed the inadequacy of the response: "so I was taught". The violent winds of humanism and its lies exposed the shallowness of my roots - rooted not so much in the solid bedrock soil of the Word, but in the teachings of men. I care not to discount the great value of those teachings, but I have come to realize that the best defense against the lies of the Enemy is not "so I was taught" but a bold "it is WRITTEN". Search the Scriptures. A time of fortification and rooting in the Word is called for now, in preparation for future battles that lie ahead on this long journey…
Furthermore, I have come to realize that doubts may have a very positive effect on faith, oxymoronic though it may sound. For if no doubts are present, what then is faith? ‘Tis not faith; ‘tis knowledge.
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)
The Word’s definition of faith presumes the existence of at least some measure of doubt: “...what we do not see”. I have learned that in those instances where I do not see, faith is most needed, and faith most exercised. May I continue to choose to believe in the face of doubt, and so exercise my faith, while searching and hoping for vindication for the Almighty against the accusations of His enemies, intellectual or otherwise.
Thus, I have found myself – shallow at the roots, in explanation of my shivering and violent struggling against the lies that I have encountered. I have not been rooted deeply and firmly enough in the Source to stalwartly weather the unrelenting attacks of the Enemy as I strive to grow and bear fruit for the Gardener. My goal, then, becomes this:
"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." (Psalm 1:1-3)
posted by Joel Chan at
10:40 AM
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